Post 46
In my last post I promised to tackle the subject of our 700 mile move and the exhaustion that has kept me from writing. I could go into the countless hours of planning, packing, loading, trekking across Texas to Missouri, unloading, unpacking, organizing, making countless repairs, et cetera, et cetera… In spite of this long list of time-consuming activities, I've come to the conclusion that my failure to write is not because of a lack of time-- the real reason I’ve not been able to write is probably due to an inability to focus on expressing consistent ideas as a result of an overwhelmed brain trying to cope with many new tasks and experiences. Admittedly, most people will bounce back more quickly than I have, but as my health has declined so has my physical and emotional energy. . . and in the middle of a pandemic many things seem more difficult to accomplish safely. So just take my word for it—the move was exhausting!
In spite of my exhaustion, I have learned a few lessons along the way. I hope you can use some of these I mention below when you move yourself or someone you care for.
1) When deciding if you really want to move, it’s important to check into the services you take for granted: Healthcare, shopping, fitness centers, religious and social activities-- whatever you are accustomed to doing and don’t want to give up. Thoroughly research what’s available to avoid too many unpleasant surprises.
The first and most important research I needed to do was related to my health and diet. I have a very restricted diet because of my histamine intolerance, so I needed to make sure that there was an organic grocery store. Good news—there’s a small chain here in Springfield and a couple of other stores have opened since we’ve moved in that provide what I need to stay healthy. I also found a doctor who knew my doctor and had trained with the same method of preventing Alzheimers (a constant worry since both my parents suffered with it). Discovering the organic grocery stores and this doctor gave me the confidence to say “yes” to the move. Interestingly enough, I later found that this doctor didn’t take insurance, so I’ve continued with my doctor in Austin through virtual visits and an in-person check up once a year— A good example of the fact that in spite of careful research and planning, life reserves the right to provide surprises.
Insurance and finances are another big question when considering a long distance move. Our medical insurance is through Ron’s retirement with the state, so if we moved out of state would it still be effective? Fortunately, because of Medicare, our insurance would work anywhere in the U.S. after I turned 65. Nice coincidence that I would turn 65 in March and our move was planned for May. Car insurance is another item you might want to check on—because the cost will change according to costs in each area.
2) It’s important to be realistic regarding present and future health limitations (physical/mental/emotional). Unfortunately your dream location is not always practical, especially as you get older. (More about this under 3)
I knew that moving to a new state at the ages of 65 and 74 wasn’t going to be easy for us. Ron has had a couple of eye surgeries in the last two years and other health issues are slowing him down. Of course, if you’ve read any of my HSP blogs you know the difficulty I have with processing things deeply and getting overwhelmed. Then there’s my fibromyalgia and my genetic histamine intolerance—all of these health conditions create a fatigue that keeps me from acting like a normal 65 year old. The only reason I mention these issues is for you to assess your own. You might find moving much easier than I have, so take your own health into account—if you can handle it, the new adventure can be exciting.
3) If you are moving with a partner, it is important to share your desires and limitations. It is also important to notice if there is a need that your partner is not expressing—maybe doesn’t even recognize. Compromises will usually need to be made. Is there anyone else that your move will effect? How can you best consider the feelings and needs of others?
Of course, moving with one or more others complicates things. Inevitably, there will be expectations that differ for the new life you are planning together.
Choosing where we would live was, of course, the most important and difficult decision that we faced. For us the two most important decisions were size and location—city or country. Because we were moving with our daughter’s family, we wanted to be very close to Springfield, where they would be living, but I really wanted to live in the country. This was probably my last chance to live where we could have animals again. I dreamed of sheep, goats, miniature horses, maybe a guard llama or small donkey . . .Eventually I accepted the fact that we couldn’t handle the chores of large animals, but maybe a few chickens? Most important to me was that the property have some large trees—which didn’t seem too difficult in southwest Missouri.
When I first started looking at houses online to compare prices there seemed to be several choices in our price range . . . but when it was time to begin house hunting in earnest the movement of houses during the pandemic had created a seller’s market and prices were increasing each week. Everything we could afford seemed to raise concerns. Too much work to remodel at our age, too far away, next to the fire station or the stockyards or a busy highway, no trees, or a strong possibility of a new developer coming in across the street and ruining the view . . .
I began having second thoughts about living in the country when I considered the possibility of our need for an ER visit. There was also the undeniable fact that Ron was slowing down and that I couldn’t take care of the land or animals by myself. So we began to look at some houses in the city of Springfield—as long as they had a large yard and trees. I was still undecided until I saw a photo of our house in a neighborhood just outside of the city limits and the 4 acres of trees behind it—which belonged to someone else. The way the neighborhood is set up these four acres don’t have access to a road, so it’s very unlikely that they will be sold to a developer. . . so I get to enjoy the trees without the burden of caring for them.
Buying this particular house also put us within 10 minutes of our daughter and son-in-law’s newly contracted house and 7 minutes away from our granddaughters’ school, so that it would be easy to pick them up and attend school functions. I had to admit that was an advantage that none of the country houses had. Other advantages included a walk out basement—which means that when we’re on the first floor and look out the back windows, we seem to be living in a glorified tree house; friendly neighbors, which gives Ron an outlet for his extraverted personality, and a peaceful backyard, where I get to spend quiet moments looking at the trees.
4) Before the move get rid of as much stuff as possible.
One item that consumed much of my time during the months that led up to our move was sorting through piles of items I’d been holding onto. Because of my experience as artist and teacher, I look at each object as an item to reuse. However, because of my health, I had not been reusing things as fast as they accumulated. And because of my desire to not junk up the earth, I had junked up my home instead. Between the two of us, my husband and I had enough items to fill two homes equal to ours. I began to look for places to donate the items we’d accumulated. I would like to say that we gave half of what we’d stored away, but I estimate it was closer to one third. Some of the beneficiaries were preschool teachers for foster kids who were developmentally challenged, the Creative Reuse Center, friends— and friends of friends, recent immigrants, the Salvation Army, Goodwill, etc. We sold a wooden day bed through a furniture consignment shop, but for the most part we decided to re-home our things to people who needed them much more than we did.
5) Ask for help with the physical aspect of the move and for settling in. Or if you are reading this to get ideas for helping your older friends or relatives, make sure they have help at every stage of the move.
Of course, there are problems that arise with having help — so if possible oversee all stages and let those helping you know how you want to organize. Ask them to label boxes and try to keep like things together. I did pretty well with packing my items, but approaching the final moving date things began to get thrown into boxes, especially by random people who came over to help. At the end I was in Springfield keeping myself and our two dogs away from the noise of house repair and dismantling of furniture, while Ron was staying up nights in order to move on time, so it’s no wonder the last items were thrown together in a hurry. If you have time and can work methodically, it will be much easier when you are trying to find items you need in your new home.
Fortunately my son-in-law had arranged to hire movers both to load and unload the truck—an obvious necessity, but Ron has found something else to move around nearly every day since then. Most of the furniture is in place, but there are still some shelves that need to be put together 6 months later—and when those shelves are ready, then I can finally unpack my photo albums.*
It seems reasonable to believe that when the heavy moving is accomplished you can tackle the rest of the unpacking yourself; however, this depends on the person’s age, physical limitations and how soon it needs to happen. Many of us want to be completely independent so we balk at extra help, but try to be reasonable. If it was your friend or loved one who was physically weak and you were strong, I’m sure you would help. Let others help you for a change. And if you are moving an older friend or relative, offer to help periodically. The key though is to be helpful, not pushy, and that is a line that is often difficult to walk.
6) Get to know your neighbors quickly. Ask them for advice on service companies and doctors, HOA rules, city regulations, neighborhood watch, social customs. . .
There’s so much to learn about a new community, and it is much more pleasant learning from friendly neighbors. If you’re an extrovert, this is an easy task; you may need to be more creative if you’re an extreme introvert. My husband always reaches out to meet new people that he sees. He met the next door neighbors on one side during on our trip to Springfield to inspect the house before the option period ended. This neighbor has been very helpful in recommending a mechanic and giving us history about the neighborhood. Six months later Ron knows all the people on our cul-de-sac and has met several others in the neighborhood. On the other hand, I’m an introvert without much energy—I talk regularly to the neighbors on each side of the fence and have met three other women and a few kids.
7) Plug into a church, non profit, or social organization.
I started watching a particular Springfield church service online faithfully for several months before our move; however, seven months after our move, I haven't yet become involved personally. First because of the resurge in hospitalizations in our area and then because of travel and just recently because of back pain. I will get there, but it’s been slow.
On the other hand, I have become involved with a dog rescue organization and have fostered two pups rescued from puppy mills. This was a nice surprise and a fun (as well as tiring) replacement for the farm animals I had originally dreamed of caring for. Again most of the human interaction has been online, but one day I hope to be more involved with actual events
8) Take time for sight seeing or other fun.
In spite of being a homebody these last 6 months, I’ve gotten to see a few new sights. I’ve made two trips to the Springfield Art Museum; walked around the Springfield botanical gardens taking photographs; traveled to the Lake of the Ozarks a couple of times with my husband and dogs; and this last weekend visited the Fantastic Caverns with other family members.
9) Accept the differences of your new home, even if you don’t like them. Emphasize the positives.
I have to be honest that while we’ve found Southwest Missouri to be full of friendly people and beautiful scenery, there are a few things that are hard to accept. For instance, hardly anyone wears masks unless they are required to do so by their employer. There are signs up in many places claiming “Masks are Required” and yet hardly anyone seems to be wearing them except medical and food related employees. In addition, some grocery store employees wear their masks loosely around the nose— so hardly worth wearing at all. Even so, I’m starting to get out more since I had my booster— I just try to avoid crowds.
Another big difference in Springfield is the traffic. I’m very happy to be away from the crazy Austin traffic, and yet I find myself impatient that many motorists here don’t know how to merge without coming to a complete stop--admittedly, a minor inconvenience compared to the inconvenience of big city traffic.
One thing I can say for certain is that I really like this area and the people I’ve met. I was ready for a change, and this has been a good one in spite of the exhausting effort it took to make it happen.
10) Throughout the moving process and for several months afterwards take time for rest.
Perhaps you're the type that pushes yourself to get things done quickly. Maybe you don't usually take naps. You know that you've always been able to get by on 4-5 hours of sleep at night. (Or maybe this is what the senior you are helping to move claims for her/himself.) No matter that these claims have been true in the past, moving across country is going to require more rest breaks. Get over your pride of being Superman/woman. Sleep more--relax more. After all, you want to keep yourself strong enough to enjoy this new adventure you've begun.**
*I have not digitalized because I think that when I’m 80 or so I will appreciate the physical turning of pages.
** If you are moving and are a caregiver or an HSP or both, you will need extra sleep. Please see my post entitled "Nearly All Caregivers Need More Sleep; HSP Caregivers Need Much More"
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