Some Challenges of Being an HSP Caregiver or Care Receiver: Smells, Sights, Sounds

Post #7

When I was looking for a home for Mom I was very particular. One home we visited seemed comfortable and attractive in the independent/assisted living section, but as soon as we walked through the door of the locked memory care unit the ugliness of the decor and the strong unpleasant odor convinced me instantly that she wouldn't be living there. Later I found out that the smell was barely perceptible to my companion, so probably Mom wouldn't have noticed. But the odor had convinced my nose, and the drab walls my eyes, that this wasn't a place where one can feel at home.

Now that I understand about the characteristics of a highly sensitive person, I realize that not all people would have reacted the same as I did. Many people would have weighed other factors in before making a decision, or maybe they wouldn't even have noticed the odor or the ugliness of the rooms. However, for the highly sensitive person sensory input is a priority.

Let me give just one example of how this high sensitivity is affecting my life even more as I age, causing me to wonder how I would react if I wasn't able to change my environment. Recently, strong cooking odors have increased their intensity so that I inevitably end up with a migraine. When someone cooks something with a strong odor (such as beans, cabbage, or fried foods) I have to open both front and back doors, turn on all the air vents in the house, light a couple of lightly scented pumpkin candles, and dab peppermint massage oil under my nose. If these tactics don't work, then I go outside and read on the deck, or if it's too cold, my last resort is to shut myself into the car. I would like to take a drive, but by this time my migraine is overwhelming. I can only close my eyes and hope the house airs out soon.

Of course, the highly sensitive caregiver needs to recognize that the care receiver may not react to stimuli in the same way as you would. It makes me chuckle that one of my priorities when searching for the right home for Mom was that her room have an outside window--particularly one that looked out on trees or flowers. Now I know that being close to nature is a requirement for me to live a happy life, but was not necessarily her need. The indoor decor seemed much more important to Mom, but she did enjoy sitting out on the patio when I came to visit, so finding a place where the patio was pleasant turned out to be a good choice for both of us.

As well as sight and smell, noise can have a strong effect on us. Some people need the stimulus of active people around them and others feel calmer and more secure in a quiet atmosphere. Sometimes the repetitive sound of an ice machine might make a person irritable, while soft white noise soothes. Hopefully, you will know the person's strong likes and dislikes as well as their reactions to stimuli before you make major healthcare decisions. If you don't know much about the person(s) you are caring for at the beginning of your care relationship, it's essential to pay attention to these things as you care for her (him/them). We learn as we go along--if we are open to learning.

I really don't think Mom was a highly sensitive person in general; however, as she aged she became extremely sensitive to pain. Whenever she had her blood pressure taken or her blood drawn she would scream repeatedly, "You're killing me!!!" The nurses and lab technicians always dreaded our visits. I would see them suck in their breath and then put on their best fake smiles, or in a few cases they rose to the occasion and demonstrated their most sensitive, caring attitudes.

Learning to cope with my own sensitivities has helped me to realize that when the person being cared for doesn't like something they are not "just picky." Something in their past, or an unexplainable pain may be influencing their requests. If they are highly sensitive, they are probably overwhelmed by the stimuli they are receiving, and this is the reason they act stubborn, belligerent, emotional, or rude.

Of course, as humans we often forget that not everyone experiences the world in the same way that we do. Even if both caregiver and care receiver are highly sensitive, we will not always react to things in the same manner. Experiences and DNA work together to make each of us unique. Respect and attention, as well as a whole lot of love and forgiveness, is the best formula for addressing that uniqueness in a caregiving relationship.