Post #26
In former posts I have written about ways to cope with being isolated during your role as a caregiver, whether it be because of a pandemic or other illness or just because you haven’t felt comfortable letting others be involved. . . Recently, I’ve been considering those who love caregiving, but have had to step away from it because of their own vulnerabilities. The situation is magnified at the moment because of the pandemic, but there are also everyday reasons that people must take a break from caregiving —whether it be their own health, problems within the family . . . or a multitude of other reasons that pop up in life.
Caregiving is extremely important—both you and I believe this. Yet maybe you—like me—have difficulty considering that we all need to care of ourselves as well. Oh, I’ve always brushed my teeth twice a day, taken a shower in the mornings, sometimes rested in the afternoons when it was possible, but beyond that I felt guilty if I took too much time for my own needs. I have grown better at this as I’ve aged, and it’s a good thing because for the last couple of years I’ve had to really slow down and concentrate on things that will return my body to health and keep my mind from deteriorating.
First, I had to find out what health problems I have presently and what possible health problems I might have in the future because of the run down condition of the present—as well as factoring in tendencies related to family history and genetics. Because I wanted to feel better I had to make big changes—for me, this meant a change of diet and intermittent fasting, as well as hormone treatments and supplements. . . Getting 7-8 hours of sleep each night is absolutely necessary or my physical and emotional health begins to fall apart. . . I’m still working on incorporating a consistent exercise program into my life. . . I began playing the piano again; I’m doing more writing; and sometimes I manage to paint. . . These are all activities that help me relax but also boost the activity in my brain—with a family history of Alzheimer’s on both sides, brain-boosting is extremely important.
I’m not recommending the changes I’ve made to you as a rule because every body/mind is different. I am recommending that if you’ve had to back away from caregiving for your health, now is the time to concentrate on caring for yourself. At this point you might want to take a deep breath, and exhale while saying “Self, you are worth my care.”
Next make a list of what you need to know about your health in order to be the best caregiver of yourself that you can be. . . Then make a list of steps you need to take to get the information. . . After you discover your own body’s needs, it helps to make a list of important things to do each day. . . As you learn to follow your list, don’t be too hard on yourself— just keep trying. Every day is new . . . Attack today as if you never forgot to exercise yesterday.
There may be a reason other than personal health that you’ve had to back away from caregiving in spite of the fact that your heart wishes you were still involved. Whatever the reason—a family move, working on a personal relationship— you might be able to find ways to be involved in caring from afar. Many people found this possible when the pandemic started, as they created masks to be worn by first responders and/or spent time writing or calling family and friends who lived alone. Even as the rest of the world tries to get back to normal there will be many stuck at home because of their vulnerabilities, so there will continue to be a need for this type of long-distance care. (Of course, this need has been present always, but in the last couple of months more people are taking notice.)
Now is a particularly important time to keep in touch with friends. Friendship is the opportunity for people to care for each other, so cultivate friendships with caring people. This way you won’t be the only one reaching out. Perhaps healthy friendships are the best way we take care of ourselves. True friends can support us even when we feel completely unable to support ourselves.
Perhaps I’m stating the obvious, but it is very important to find something that fills in the gap that an absence from caregiving will leave in your heart. Sometimes we are ready to move on and actually have a new career or life situation that helps us make the transition. Other times we may find the change leaves a big hole in our lives. You can begin a hobby that you’ve always wanted to spend more time doing or start something brand new. Because of the internet, it is super easy to discover new ideas, adventures, or careers that we never considered before. People of all ages go back to get a degree at a new stage in their lives. I encourage you to think outside of the box. What is it that will fill your life with joy? It doesn’t have to be a big change. . . Maybe you just need more time to be still and listen to the birds sing. Whatever it is you want to add to your life, I hope you will take that first step soon.
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