Post 36
It is a difficult and very wonderful fact that one size does not fit all when it comes to living our lives. This is true in all aspects from birth to death and, therefore, true regarding the complexities of a life dedicated to caregiving. Handling our own health conditions at the same time we're caring for someone else complicates this complex situation even more and can overwhelm us at times. So it is important that we examine our lives in order to organize and simplify them to the best of our ability.
Simplification goes beyond organization in that the word insinuates paring down—getting by with less: fewer activities, commitments, and most of all, less junk to clutter up our lives. It is rather popular today to immerse ourselves in simplicity, often through yoga, environmental ecology, and Fun Shui. However, this can be difficult when we are taking care of someone else and ourselves too. I can't imagine that my house will ever look like the Feng Shui photos of simple and uncluttered houses.
Of course there are many ways to live simply rather than following the current fads. While we certainly need to consider ways that our own lifestyles effect the planet and our fellow citizens, we also need to give thought to what realistically works in our own situation, given our responsibilities and capabilities.
I've found that although I no longer take care of someone else who is solely dependent on me, I have to organize and simplify my life in order to take care of my own health needs. I have so many supplements, vitamins, and medications, I would never remember when to take what if I didn’t have a chart and weekly pill boxes that I fill each Sunday. I’ve also found that because of my low energy and high pain levels I must reduce what I expect myself to do each day. I give myself one or two major tasks . . .today it’s writing the first draft of this blog and organizing my weekly vitamins . . . and then I hope to feel well enough to do a few minor things, such as cook supper and pick up a few things around the house. . . but there's much more to be done . . .cleaning, decluttering, etc.
Perhaps you can identify different areas in your own life that need to be organized and/or simplified. Realizing what you need to work on is the first step. Recognizing the difficulties that you deal with in each of these is the next. Some difficulties cannot be changed. For instance, when Mom lived with me, I knew that my time was always subject to alteration because of her condition. Even today I know that my schedules and expectations can’t be too rigid because my own health is unpredictable. This is the reason that I have often failed in my attempts to follow a consistent daily schedule. I simply don’t remember to look at the schedule when lack of sleep is making me groggy or my feet are killing me.
In my case, there are three major areas that really need to be simplified and organized:
my time, my self care, and my environment. I’ve been surprised to find that the social isolation created by the pandemic has been useful in helping me to organize my time. The expectations to go places are no longer there. I’m no longer tempted to over commit. However, it is still possible for me to spend too much time on the internet— playing design games, reading the news, checking on Facebook to see what friends are doing. Currently, I’m trying to commit to staying off the internet most of the day (except during brief breaks). I wait until evening and substitute it for TV time.
Self care includes everything from daily cleanliness and health routines to a balance of exercise, creativity and relaxation. It's easy whenever you’re taking care of someone else to put care of yourself on low priority. It's also easy to forget some of your routine when you’re staying away from other people most of the time because of the pandemic. In either case one day often rolls into another without sufficient exercise or other necessities of a healthy life. I suggest creating a schedule—one that really works for you--post it on the refrigerator or on your phone—or in some other place that you are likely to notice it each day. As I mentioned above, I haven’t found the place that works for me. Presently, I’m trying a new way of looking at the day — one in which I’ve divided the day up in my mind into regular pieces, and the night before I tell myself one or two important tasks that need to be accomplished and which part of the day I plan to accomplish them.
Here’s my current plan—subject to frequent change.
The first 2 hours after rising are dedicated to health needs (meds, food, exercise, etc.)
The next 3-4 hours are dedicated to the major task(s) of the day (today it’s writing and decluttering)
The next hour is dedicated to the kitchen
The next couple of hours —time spent with my husband, gardening, and/or reading
The rest of the evening is usually spent communicating with others and using the internet
This is just a general plan that I can fall back on so that I don’t forget what needs to be done. It helps me to keep a simple rhythm to the day. My rest periods vary as my health demands. If I can get a couple of things beyond daily tasks accomplished during the day, I feel satisfied. But of course there are nights when I don’t sleep at all, so I’m lucky if I get anything done during the day. I’ve learned to accept that this is my new normal, at least for now.
When I was caring for Mom, there were also days when nothing seemed to be accomplished . Especially those days when she wasn’t feeling well and the only thing that could be done was to help her cope with life. Frequently, things weren’t as simple and organized as I would have liked. When days like that happen to you, even if they are frequent, you are accomplishing your task as a caregiver. You can be proud of yourself even if life isn’t always simple or organized.
The last major category—the one I have mostly ignored for the last two years, so now I’m focusing on—is organizing and simplifying my environment. I’m sentimental so I’ve saved every gift I’ve ever been given (almost) and every souvenir I’ve ever collected . . . not to mention the relics from relatives who’ve passed on. In addition, I don’t like to be wasteful, so I have a tendency to save everything to reuse—but I can’t use it quick enough, so the piles of useful stuff are getting out of hand, especially plastic containers. I would gladly recycle them, but I’ve heard so many stories of our growing piles of plastic—on land and in the ocean. I’m afraid that our household's plastics for a year might be enough to kill a whale. So for now supplement bottles and coffee tubs are cluttering up the art room and the garage waiting to be reused (and keeping one whale safe).
Obviously, I need a strategy for decluttering. I’m starting to feel overwhelmed surrounded by this over abundance of stuff that blocks our pathways and sitting places, making us look like two old hoarders. (It’s worse during the pandemic as we rarely have visitors to clean up for.) Recently I’ve started a new habit of using the half hour between my morning thyroid pill and my other morning meds to go through some part of the house, collect things I don’t really use, and put them in a box. Later I will decide which clothes are appropriate for people living on the streets and which ones would be best utilized by women who are preparing to enter the workplace, etc. The books I’ve divided into those I’d like to give to homeschoolers, others that would work for the group sending books to prisoners, and those I’ll sell or giveaway. I feel that things are better used if I donate thoughtfully instead of throwing everything into bags and giving it all to a thrift store.
I believe that organization and simplification are great goals for living a purposeful and joyful life, but I also believe that as caregivers we have to be flexible and give ourselves time to accomplish these goals. Little by little, I know that I’m making progress in my attempts to create a life rhythm and to live with less “mess.” I encourage you to set your own goals and find strategies that will make life simpler and more organized in your situation. However, I want to remind us all that health and personal needs take priority—both the needs of the people we care for and our own.
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